Welcome 2014

Missed half of Easter
Losing this fight
Can’t seem to see
Any light
The weight on my heart is heavy
It pulls me down
My will is fading
Need solid ground
The kids are so happy
I just want to share
Experience the peace
Breath the same air

I wrote the above in April. The next 7 or 8 months, I battled the worst period of Major Depression Disorder I have had to date. I have lived with depression on and off for years. People often don’t know how to take me. I hide a lot of it with humor and sometimes I just withdrawal. This period was filled with not only the depression but near crippling anxiety. In years past, I have worked with my doctor to figure out the best treatment. This year though, we had trouble figuring out what would be best and it got bad, very bad.

Thankfully, I have a great husband, mom, and friends that held my hand both figuratively and literally while I fought to keep my soul above water. There were times that were very dark. I was scared. I was referred by my doctor to a specialist and with her help I have found a combination of medicine that is working. I’m not 100% but I am so much better than I was.

I know that the fight against depression will be a battle until the day I die. It comes honestly through genetics on both sides of my family. I’ve kept quiet except for close friends but feel that sharing might help others who are going through the same thing. I encourage you to reach out and get help. Don’t let shame prevent you from finding a treatment that works for you. Depression is as much of an illness as cancer. It is not something you can “get over” or “move past”. It is a chemical imbalance that needs repaired through medical treatment.

So, here is to a better 2014. I pray for peace, laughter, joy, and continued healing.